![]() Melon and coppa is a gorgeous riff on the ’70s starter, the dry-cured pork draped winningly over the fruit. Inside were long canteen-style tables, a blackboard menu and the nicest team, who made me a flat white so velvety that I forgot to be annoyed by the lack of a handle on the cup.Īt the weekends, both the breakfast and lunch sections of Juliet’s menu are available all day – the former expands on the OG Juliet’s fancy-crispy-things-and-eggs-on-toast remit, while the lunch dishes are more small-platesy. ![]() On a sunny Saturday morning the courtyard was shady and deliciously cool a fountain splashed, plants drifted in the warm breeze and Clapham High Street felt a world away. ![]() It’s also got by far the nicest site of the trio, occupying the café space at gallery-slash-shop Studio Voltaire. So Juliet’s 2.0 has an impressive pedigree. It would sound a bit contrived if it wasn’t faultlessly executed – but it is, all of it, and all the time. It’s run by the founders of Milk in Balham, that very cool purveyor of dishes like buckwheat pancakes with Amarillo peaches and matcha craquelin choux. You might recognise the name: the original Juliet’s Quality Foods in Tooting is one of south-west London’s best-loved (and best-looking) brunch spots. And that exception is Juliet’s Cafe and Bar. There is, however, an exception to every rule. (I live there, so I’m allowed to say that.) The words conjure visions of men in pink shorts howling maaaaaaate! at each other and the inexplicable hundred-metre queue for #nomnomnom waffles at The Breakfast Club. Given that the room is so tiny, it’s enough to divert you from your meal.As invitations go, ‘brunch in Clapham’ is generally about as appealing a prospect as ‘sexual health check’. A striptease by Aphrodite (Molly Beth Morossa), and wax-dripping performance by Persephone (Charlie Bouquett) are in-your-face funny and sexy. But if you’ve booked a ticket based solely on the dinner, prepare to be distracted. Carnivores are served guinea fowl and the veggie option is stuffed courgette with beans. It’s rare that we’d advocate being naked during a show, but this is one of the rare occasions where the humidity might suit the free-your-inhibitions vibe.We’re then led upstairs to a three-course bacchanalian feast, which is tasty enough. ![]() Two things immediately stand out: the overtly boozy cocktails (we’ll forgive that for the exceptionally tasty Smoky Old Fashioned) and the sheer heat of the covered archway setting. And in short, it’s an absolute blast.In a tantalising pre-dinner preamble, we’re introduced to a troupe of actors in character as ‘the Maenads’, who rove around the audience, making small talk about our clearly inferior outfits while we’re standing around in one of the downstairs bar areas. The atmospheric venue’s latest immersive show, Shotgun Carousel’s ‘Divine Proportions’, is part stand-up, part-cabaret, part dinner party. ![]() It’s 8pm and I’m already clutching a cocktail and dancing along wildly to ‘Like a Prayer’ in some dark corner of the Waterloo Vaults. ![]()
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